Reflecting Back - 2007

Lengthy post ahead. You've been warned!

It been so long since I've been on Blogger that I almost forgot how to login! How has everyone been? Believe it or not, I've missed all of my regular friends here in blog-world. You know who you are.

So much has happened since my last post. First off, I have a new job. No, I have not moved to a new company. My company is embarking on a new and exciting project and they've asked for me to join the new project team to provide technical expertise. Its does not pay more nor is the job any easier. But I took it on two grounds - it is something that I will probably enjoy doing and I will be working regular hours. Previously, my posting with Management required me to work a permanent 5 pm to 2:30 am shift. It was beginning to take a toll on my sanity and family life. So when this new project came along and they wanted me, I jumped at the opportunity. No more Management work. Its not that I dislike Management work but I think I love technical stuff more. I think it is an area where I can probably add value. Sadly, as the project is currently confidential, I am unable to share too much (you never know who is reading this!) but when I can, I guarantee I will.

With this new job, I have found more time to spend with the family. Mrs Premster and I now can have dinners together and spend time with the Devster, something which I have failed at since his birth. I think for the last year or so, he probably knows me as the guy who comes out of the room at about 2 pm, goes to his computer to do work and then is out of the house by 4:30 pm. On certain days, its out the door by 2 pm! He doesn't get to see me come home in the wee hours of the morning so me popping out of my room every afternoon probably reminds him of his jack-in-the-box. These days, we get to go for short evening walks. They're short walks because his legs are short! I noticed for every step that I take, he has to take three or four to keep up. So before long, he tires out and asks to be carried.

I've discovered that Dev has a new obsession (aside from TV and gadgets like his old man) - the lift / elevator in our block! You should see the glee on his face when he stands in front of it anticipating the opening of the doors. And when he's out after the ride is over, he looks back longingly till the lift goes off to serve other residents. Some days, its hard to get him to leave the lift lobby. If he had his way, he'd be riding the lift up and down all day.

2007 will be gone in about 24 hours. I feel kind of sad because it has been a good year generally. And with me, good years are sometimes hard to come by. I made some new year resolutions at the start of 2007 and sadly, they were not all fulfilled. There are three main ones. First off, I decided that in 2007, I was going to cut back on my spending on gadgets. This was an utter failure - considering I am writing this entry on a brand new Apple Macbook which was purchased about a month ago. Aside from this, my other major purchases over the year include a Apple TV (streams video, music and pictures from PC directly to a high-definition TV wirelessly), my trusty Nokia E90 Communicator, a top-notched sound system in my car and I built a home theatre in our study room complete with a LCD projector, Bose 5.1 speaker system and a movie screen. It took our contractor 1 1/2 days to put the entire thing together! The sad thing is, we've not had the time to use it since we got it set up.

Secondly, I planned to read more. I started off the year buying some books, mainly biographies of famous people like Bill Clinton and Steve Wozniak. I went through them and as the momentum caught on, I bought more like For One More Day (Mitch Albom), The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari (Robin Sharma), The God Delusion (Richard Dawkins) and Jeremy Clarkson's (from Top Gear) And Another Thing. So far, I've managed to crack Jeremy's book on his light-hearted take on life. I'm a long way from being done so I guess the rest of the unread books will be for 2008.

And lastly, I promised myself to get into shape. I started off the year with walking / jogging about 4 km every two to three days. I was hoping that by the end of 2007, I'd have biceps that Arnold Schwarzer-whats-his-face would be envious of and a six pack where my belly used to be. Regretfully by April, this had tapered down to 0 km per week and my belly is still intact, getting more and more 'prosperous' as the days go by.

Speaking of an ample belly, Eddie has been getting chunkier and chunkier by the day. The previously hyper-active, lean, mean ball-catching machine has now become pudgy and sluggish. The vet told us that is is probably because of his sterilization sometime in August. So, it looks like Eddie and his pal (The Premster) need to get out and exercise. With this new work arrangement, I think there is a good possibility. Of course, I have slated this to be my new year resolution again. Recycling! Isn't it great?

I will always remember 2007 as the year we celebrated my only son's first birthday! Looking back, the experience was surreal, to say the least. It still is, actually. Considering the many failed relationships I've had over the years, I never expected to find a lovely woman and settle down, let alone have a little boy of my own. Sometimes during conversations with friends, a strange yet warm feeling overcomes me when I say "my son". I hope that warm feeling never diminishes.

2007 also was sad for me because I found that I was betrayed by people I loved the most - my family. It is a terrible feeling to have someone you love and trust betray you and while I still think of them fondly, I have distanced myself from them for the sake of my wife, my son and my sanity. Being alone without parents to fall back on for support, the need to protect my own family from harm has become paramount. I am sure they will never understand my point of view, especially when they love steering away from the truth when confronted with it.

The most painful thing about 2007 was the fact that I discovered that my father, a man that I deeply respected, cared for and loved had also hung me out to dry. Recent events and findings have painfully proven this. This has saddened me in the most profound of ways especially when I believed my father, of all people, would not do anything to hurt me. I do not wish to desecrate his memory in any way so I won't go into any details. But I try to console myself with the fact that he didn't realise the consequence of his actions and was not given enough time on earth to rectify the wrong. Anyway, it is something I will now have to bear on his behalf and I hope to find the strength to move on with it.

Some time ago, I mentioned that I was heading back to running my father's business. So far, six months have passed and this has also been taking up a lot of my time. Sometime in October, my wife and I injected a great deal of funds to the company to give it a much needed makeover. I hope this will pay off in 2008. During my stint doing the night shift, I had time during the day to go down to the office to check on things. These days with my new regular working hours, I meet with the Manager once or twice a week in the evenings to check on the progress at the company, to sign cheques and letters, etc. All other matters are sorted out via phone and emails. So, my new Apple Macbook has been working overtime since it came to live with me. Anyway, I hope to give you a good 'financial' report by the end of 2008. Wish me luck, ya?

A couple of hours ago, I watched Evan Almighty on my iPod Touch just after taking a Sunday afternoon nap. In the movie, "God" (played by Morgan Freeman) tells Evan's wife (played by Lauren Graham of Gilmore Girls fame) "If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?" These words brought tears to my eyes - something I rarely do when watching movies - because this is so true. The last few years, I had hoped for more time with my family and frequently prayed for it. And after relentless "requests", the new job opening came about three weeks ago and today, I have more time with my family. I guess when you pray hard enough, a door is presented to you. You either knock and go in or you walk away. In the end, God helps with an opportunity. It is still up to you to make the best of it.

So as 2007 draws to a close and as I embark into 2008, I pray for....

• The opportunity to guide my son intellectually and spiritually
• The opportunity to protect my family and home
• The opportunity to build and excel in my career
• The opportunity to ensure the good health of my wife and little boy
• The opportunity to be a better husband and a better father

And if it is not too much to ask, I'd also love the opportunity to own a Lexus IS250. *wink*

Here's wishing all of you - Ghasheema, Eshda3wa, Dandoon, Princess, Vanessa, Pigmite and Phoenix a very Happy and Peaceful 2008.

38 And Counting

Whoa... the big 3-8 is upon me.

The flurry of activity during birthdays has somehow faded. Back in the day, birthdays were a big deal. I had a day jam-packed with appointments with friends and family and I was determined to keep every single one of them. So, it was a mad rush. After school (my Pre-University days), I'd start off with lunch with all my classmates at a fast-food restaurant. Our usual choice was Pizza Hut at Plaza Singapura cos we could do a little shopping after lunch.

My friends were really sweet. Knowing I was a huge collector of vinyl records (12" remixes), they'd spring for one - and it would usually be a rare remix. I'd make them sign on the record label and believe it or not, I still have them today. Playing those records bring back wonderful memories.

After that 3 - 4 hour session, I'd rush off to either meeting some relatives or have a date. Of course, those dates were far from romantic because firstly, I was not really looking for a girlfriend back then (school, friends and deejaying too up all of my time) and secondly, I hardly think tea and cake at 4:30 pm was romantic. Still I was flattered that anyone would actually ask.

Evenings were reserved strictly for family. My parents worked long hours and so as not to leave them out, I'd have final celebration of the evening at my Dad's company - the very same one I am running today. My Mum would buy a huge birthday cake along with curry puffs, cream puffs, sausage rolls and drinks and we'd invite my Dad's students to come join the celebration. No birthday celebration back then would be complete without my absolute favourite - Dunkin' Donuts. Its a pity they no longer exist in Singapore.

This celebration, of course, a far cry from what it's like now. I woke up bright and early (which is rare for me on a Sunday) and Mrs Premster, Devster and I headed to the temple to pray. We got home and my dear wife catered a lunch fit for a King. My in-laws came by and we all had lunch together. My mother-in-law made her famous traditional dessert - something which is to die for. We then got together to cut my birthday cake - a special blend of dark chocolate and banana cream. I'd have to say that was the best store-bought birthday cake I have ever had in my 38 years of existence.

After that, I was already pooped out. So, I took a nap. I got up and found it was already 7 pm. I decided that I didn't want the day to end just like that so on impulse, I took my lovely bride for a candle-lit dinner at a quiet restaurant. We had lamb chops and ice-cream with brownies for dessert. What I enjoyed the most was that quiet time with her - something which we haven't had for a long time.

Between the two, I'd have to say that I prefer the latter. It felt more meaningful to spend time with my family - "my family".... something I never thought I'd say when I was celebrating my birthday with my classmates at Pizza Hut.

I have to thank my uncle "K" for his call in the morning wishing me good health and good fortune, "JK" for her birthday e-card, "ER", "JC" and my best pal cum bro "W" for the text message greetings. Never thought you guys would remember! "W" promised a "wonderful gift". He shouldn't have troubled himself but I'm excited to see what it is anyway. *wink*

Most of all, I thank God for Mrs Premster, The Devster, Eddie and Casey for being a part of my birthday celebration and my life. I think that is the best gift I could ever have.

And what did my dear wife get me for my birthday? She got me an iPod Touch!

Hope you guys and gals had a fun-filled weekend too!

Burning Bridges

Lately, I've been burning bridges. No, I've not given up my day job to become an arsonist.

In the recent years, I've come to realise that family is over-rated. I've come to realise that the people who I've grown up with and trusted with my life have their own agendas and they'll happily sacrifice me for them. I've come to realise that while I have gone out of my way to help my family throughout the years, they've treated me as an inconvenience they have to live with. As a relative put it to me a few days before my mother passed away, some twelve years ago at the waiting area of a hospital's emergency unit where my mother was taken to, "I am not sure what our relationship will be if your mother is no longer around". I think that said it all.

To be an integral member of the family, the laws are as follows. Please note that the term "elders" has no reference to people of wisdom or integrity - just older people in a family.

(1) You must not and cannot have an opinion of your own. If you chose to have an opinion, especially one that goes against an "elder", you stand alone. Only nephews and neices who are willing to sacrifice their spines and agree to whatever is dished out by the "elders" are valued.

(2) Be humble and realise that someone else's problem is always bigger than yours. If you say you're facing difficulty, someone else in the family is facing an even more difficult situation than you are - for sure. If you're having a headache, someone else has a migrane. If you have a migrane, someone else will have a brain tumor. The same goes for flu, cough, joint pain or any other ailment.

(3) Learn to drop as many names as possible. "I know xxxxx" where xxxxx is the name of a celebrity / politician / journalist / famous doctor /etc. Whoever knows the most people in these categories or is higher up in the social heirarchy carries the most weight. A variant of Rule (2) applies. Eg. "I know Tom Cruise." Response? "Really? I know Nicole Kidman." or "I know Tom Cruise's father." Tip : You don't really have to know them. Just say you do.

(4) Be prepared to take sides when the "elders" quarrel. If A and B quarrel and you take a neutral stand when approached by A, then you're deemed to be on B's side. The reverse is most certainly true. So pick a side or one will automatically be assigned for you against your will.

(5) A backstabs B. B comes to C for sympathy. B later forgives A under the now infamous "I forgive everyone" / "I am holier than thou" policy. When A backstabs C and C goes to B for sympathy, B will get "A would never do that". Forgivness and amnesia - the perfect combination.

(6) If something bad happens to A, A will say he / she is cursed or given the evil eye. If something bad happens to B and you ask A if B is the victim of a curse, A will say that there is no such thing as being cursed.

(7) Law (6) does not apply if A and B are closely related, eg. parent (A) and child (B) or husband (A) and wife (B). In this case, if B is doing well, A will say it is because of hard work, intelligence, etc. If B fails in life, A will declare it the work of the evil eye.

(8) When confronted head on with unfavourable glaring facts, the normal and expected response is "I'm very sick", "I'm dying" or "I'll kill myself". You couldn't squeeze more drama out of a Steven Speilberg, George Lucas, Quentin Tarantino, John Woo and Jerry Bruckheimer joint-collaboration movie.

(9) "Don't tell anyone I told you" or "Just between you and me" are common phrases used to indicate that something is told to you in confidence. It'll make you feel special like you're the only one that can be trusted with this information. Little do you know that you're the last to hear about it.

(10) If you're ill and / or hospitalised, the heroic and selfless thing to do is not to tell anyone except immediate family. This will eventually result in a "Just between you and me" call a day later. See Law (9) for more information.

(11) You have to acknowledge that dreams are the way our dearly departed communicate and convey messages to the family. The family has a number of official conduits but oddly, the message received through different conduits from the same departed differ vastly on the same issue. I guess all that Heaven-Earth travelling can take a toll on a departed's opinion.

(12) If you are not officially ("officially" being the operative word) invited to a family event / celebration, that is if you've been informed about it personally but no invitation card has been given to you or the red carpet has not been rolled out for you, kick up the biggest fuss in the history of mankind to make your point and then threaten never to be part of any family celebration even if the red carpet was rolled out for you in future. No family event or celebration is complete without a huge blow up.

All these years, I tried my best to deal with these family laws. But alas, I've come to realise that I am unable to meet their extremely high standards. And while it pains me to have to distance myself from them, I am left with no choice - for the sake of my peace of mind and sanity. Life is hard enough without having to adhere to the 12 laws.

So, bridges have sadly been burnt. Better I burn them now while I am safely on the other side instead of the bridge being burnt while I'm on it.

Everybody Loves Eddie

My son started to speak his first words over the last few days. When he was first born, I figured it would be something dramatic like suddenly calling out "Dada" or "Mama". Our "Super Nanny" has also been trying hard to get him to say "Auntie" and because of that, I hear it repeated so many times in a day that everytime the word "Auntie" comes up, I feel my stomach flip. But in spite of the repeated "Auntie.... Auntie... Auntie.... Auntie..." and my wife's attempts at getting our little fella to recognise his "Dada", the first words out of his mouth were.... *drum roll, please* ... "Eddie"!

We're beaming with "pride". *sigh*

I guess it was our incessant yelling at our dog that result in this blunder. So, everything is "Eddie" now. His caterpillar soft toy is "Eddie". Even the decorative statue of Buddha that graces our home is "Eddie". Of course, the little lad has his own way of saying it... "Edjeee".

Speaking of Edjeee, my dear pal has lived with us exactly 5 years today. I remember that day fondly. Since then, we've gone through a great deal together. I watched the puny little puppy grow up into a handsome dog with Einstien's brilliance, Ronaldo's ball skills and an attitude only suitable for a Rottweiler. He stuck by me through some really tough times - chronic illness and even my father's passing. He also shared in the happy times too - like when my son was born. He'd appear to stand guard while my wife fed our newborn and would come running to us in a panic when he started to cry in his crib. Eddie's like the perfect best friend you could ever imagine.

Eddie is loved by everyone - both family and friends. I get emails from colleagues at work asking "How's Eddie?" and calls to our home are of the same nature. My Uncle will ask me to send his regards to Eddie (and Casey, of course) whenever he calls. It is only after enquiring about our doggies that I get "How are you doing?"

As for my son's first word, I am going to pass "Edjeee" off as him trying to say "Dajeee" (aka "Daddy"). That'll work, right?? *wink*

Here's a picture of Eddie on the first day he arrived at our home 5 years ago.

Happy 5th Anniversary, my buddy!! We love you!

Trust Betrayed

Look up the word "betrayal" in the dictionary and you'd get definitions like "exhibition of disloyalty"and "the act of violating trust". If you've ever been on the receiving end of betrayal, you'll know that it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and a sick feeling in your stomach.

About two month ago, I was betrayed... by someone I loved and trusted all my life. As a very young boy, I watched this young and elegant lady step into the corporate world for the first time. At that time, I was filled with a strange feeling which I now recognise as pride. Soon after, I watched her get married and eventually had children of her own - whom I became very attached to. She fussed over me all the time, buying me comics, books and toys whenever she felt like it - which was often - till her children came along. She prayed hard by my Mother's side when doctors gave up all hope on me due to a medical condition at the age of 12. When my mother died, she promised she'd look after me at all cost. And when my son was born, she declared that she was his Grandma in my mother's 'absence'. For all that she had done, I would have laid down my life for her at a moment's notice - if it ever came to that.

How does one come to terms with being betrayed by someone like that?

During her difficult times, she came to me and cried on my shoulders. When her brother and his wife were (frequently) cruel and verbally hurtful towards her, she came to me to pour her woes and depended on me to take her side. Through it all, I defended her - like a son would defend his mother. Now, when I needed her to understand my perspective regarding a situation with truth and facts to corroborate, she turns a deaf ear and says she "wants to remain neutral". What is most hurtful is that this "situation" is what caused her and the rest of my family years of unhappiness, discourse and grief.

Although she no longer comes to me to lament since the confrontation, she still does to my wife. So even though she wants us to respect her wishes to "remain neutral", she still wants a listening ear for her problems. My wife, who was her biggest 'fan' when I first introdued them, is now deeply disillusioned.

My trust and faith in family, relationships and humanity has been dwindling over the years. But this turn of events has accelerated things drastically. How do you have faith in another human being after you come face to face with such a betrayal?

The damage done to my belief system is beyond repair. The same goes for my relationship with her. But what I find most sad is that my wife and I now have to instill in our little boy that life is paved with disappointments and betrayals - even from friends and relatives he may believe will be there for him. And as I watch the innocent fella laugh, play and sleep, I worry about how much it will scar him when he has to face the reality of betrayal for the first time. How I wish we could shield him forever.

Nevertheless, although I am still trying hard to get the proverbial bad taste out of my mouth, I am at peace with my conscience. I only hope she can find peace with her's.

Super Nanny

"Good help is hard to find these days" is a common phrase heard regularly. I hear horror stories about foreign domestic help through friends who have them and when it was time for my wife and I to seek one, we were worried sick.

"Will she look after the baby well?", "Will she be able to cook?", "Will she practice good hygiene?", "Will she cause us problems?", "Will she spit in our soup if she's pissed with us?" were a few of at least a thousand questions we tossed around before we visited a couple of agencies. We picked one based on her resume and she arrived at our doorstep exactly a week before our son made his dramatic entrance into the world.

And how did our domestic helper turn out? She was good! She cooked well, swept and mopped our home everyday and other than the occassional monetary problems back home which resulting in her asking for advance salary, we grew to trust her to be independent.

But when it came to my son, I think she is way too "good". You see, due to my work schedule, I have the unique opportunity to spend time with him during the day while my wife was working. When I wake up, I find our domestic helper playing with Dev or singing odd sounding kiddy songs. Maybe it's the accent. But when I asked to take over and spend time with him, she hands him over, rushes off to the kitchen and soon returns with a bottle and calls out "Dev!! Feeding time" or "Dev! Diaper changing time" armed with a diaper or "Dev! Bath time!". So, even though I spend a good part of the day home, I have a total of about 15 minutes with my little boy.

So much for good help.

Home That Prem (And The Mrs) Built - The Final

Alright everyone, let's all collectively breathe a huge sigh of relief. Our home is finally ready. No more frustrations, late-night discussions and hurling verbal abuse at our designer - in my mind anyway. Here are the before and after pictures of our place. Hope you like them - the "after" pictures, that is.

Our Living Room (Before)

Our Living Room (After)

Our Living Room - Another View (Before)

Our Living Room - Another View (After)

Our Dining Room (Before)

Our Dining Room (After)

Our Kitchen (Before)

Our Kitchen (After)

Our Bedroom (Before)

Our Bedroom (After)

Mrs Prem and I went through a great deal of stress to get this done. Well, Mrs Prem bore most of the stress. She did an excellent job! In all fairness, our designer did an excellent job too. Kudos, Angela!

What do you think?? Be kind, ya?

Missing In Action

It has been awhile since I've posted anything here. It is not that I have abandoned the idea of writing a blog but things have been absolutely crazy in my world over the last week or so. With the work on our apartment coming to a close in a week's time, there are a million things to sort out - delivery of furniture, home appliances, TVs and audio systems (*cheers*) and other miscellaneous items. This has left me little time for anything else.

Also, there have been a large number of major hiccups at work. So, troubleshooting and writing reports take up all my time. Fortunately, for all the effort put in, my team and I have been receiving lots of pats on the back. This is good, especially since our annual appraisal is just around the corner. *wink*

Although I have not been by to update my blog nor visited the other blogs I love reading everyday (you know who you are), you guys are always in my thoughts.

I'll put up the final installment of "Home That Prem (And The Mrs) Built" very soon once the work is done and I can take a decent picture of the place. Also, if you read my earlier blog "Home, Bitter-Sweet Home", I talk about "a very recent development". That will soon be revealed too.

So stay tuned, boys and girls. The best is yet to come!