To Forgive And Forget?
"I forgive everyone", someone very close said to me recently. She was referring to how some family members have wronged her in the past. To the man on the street, this person may appear magnanimous. However, I was extremely annoyed to hear that statement.
The thing is, this person is frequently on the receiving end of unkind and hurtful words, much of which is hurled by her own siblings - despite her undying care, concern and love for them. But she keeps saying that she forgives everyone, even though they still do not give her the appropriate respect accorded to the oldest of the siblings. Sometimes when I am wronged, she advises me to forgive and forget. While I would very much like to be a 'saint' and pardon everyone who has hurt me, I cannot do it. Not that I am an unforgiving person but because of my principles.
To forgive. It takes a person with a very big heart to do so. But before forgiveness can be offered by the wronged, the wrong-doer must ask for forgiveness. To ask for forgiveness is to repent for the mistake made. In every religion, we ask our maker to forgive our sins. Only when we confess our sins and repent that we can be absolved. If you forgive a person who has harmed you without him or her asking for forgiveness, it opens a gate for the wrong-doer to continue with the abuse because he or she has yet to feel remorse, hence perpetuating the situation.
To forget. This one is very tricky. I am not convinced that a person who has been wronged or hurt physically / emotionally can forget what has been done to him. In fact, to remember makes one a stronger person and becomes better equipped to handle the next transgression. I think that it is more important not to hold a grudge after forgiveness. There are those who say they forgive another but in the heat of another moment will rehash how he was wronged or hurt previously. So, it is alright not to forget but once forgiveness is conferred, do not hold a grudge or bring up the subject again. This, to me, is true forgiveness.
What do you think?
6 comments:
well prem i think that you can forgive but never forget and i mean NEVER u simply overlook as my friend often says, u choose not to make the issue a forever existent thing but u will never ever completly forget it, and sometimes people are not deserving of the forgivness or whatever and will simply continue the abuse
Prem, I agree with you and Princess. It does take a person with a big heart to forgive but I am not the type of person that can forget about things. I might say that I forgive someone but when I'm feeling low and vulnerable it still hurts.
I agree with the both ladies, but hey either if u wanna forgive or not just don't forget that this person did something bad to u and just keep it in mind that u can't be the person anymore at least with the person who hurted u or doing some bad things to u
dear princess,
you are right. people who are not deserving of forgiveness will definitely continue the abuse.
forgiveness is a very powerful thing. by dishing it out liberally, people just open themselves to more hurt.
thanks for sharing!
dear dandoon,
my sentiments exactly.
it does hurt, doesn't it?
at least, i know i'm not nuts.
really appreciate your kind input!
dear zizo,
i think you're right. when someone hurts you, your relationship with that person will be changed forever, even though he or she has repented.
sometimes, it can bring people closer but mostly, people become distant.
the reaction of being distant is the most natural one because it is like an anti-virus software. a virus gets into a system and causes damage. when the anti-virus understands that the virus is there to cause damage, it removes the virus and keeps it out.
there you go.... the IT engineer has spoken! ;)
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