Manhood

Warning : Not for the squeamish. Read at your own risk.

Eddie, our dog and everyone's best friend, lost his "manhood" last Friday. To put it technically, we had him neutered. It was a difficult decision for my wife and I to make for someone we love very much but I guess it had to be done.

You see, lately, Eddie has been feeling a little more needy than usual. It is no wonder especially with our little boy in our lives. Its hard to spread the little time my wife and I have between the three. Emphasis will always be for our little boy but we are constantly feeling guilty when we shower attention on him and Eddie and Casey are somewhat neglected.

To compensate for this, Eddie has been trying to "get it on", for a lack of a more elegant term, with Casey. And Casey, being the strong feminist that she is, hasn't allowed Eddie to get his way - ever! This is apparently causing Eddie a lot of frustration and the two end up fighting regularly these days. So, we had to nip it... er... in the bud.

Eddie has his needs. And it is painfully obvious that Casey doesn't. Perhaps that is our fault too - cos we got her spayed when she was just 6 months old. We needed to help Eddie. So, we did some research on the Internet as well as gathering some background from our vet. As it turned out, the process of neutering has some benefits for dogs. For one, he will no longer be prone to testicular cancer or prostate diseases. Dogs tend to occupy a large part of our hearts but live unduly short lives. By doing this, we minimise the risk of him having diseases that are difficult to treat and ensuring that he lives a long and healthy life. Also, his "needs" will be significantly reduced thus helping him get off Casey's back - literally. One of the other minor benefits is that he will no longer feel the need to leave his calling card at every possible lamp-post.

So, after a few weeks of discussion and decision-making, we agreed to have it done. I felt bad for Eddie the night before for taking something so precious away from him. Being a guy, I would understand. On the way to the vet's, I kept patting him as I was driving telling him that it would be ok. He was dropped off at 10 am and we were told to pick him up at 6:30 pm.

Being the anxious people we are, we got to the vet's at 6 pm. I was concerned for Eddie. Although the doctor assured us that the procedure was routine and there was nothing to be worried about, it still caused me a lot of nervousness. When we got to see him at around 6:45 pm, we were met with a severely groggy Jack Russell who was just waiting to get out of the metal cage that kept him prisoner for the last few hours. His surgery went well. All that is left of where Eddie's family jewels used to be "displayed" appears to be an empty sack resembling a shrivelled prune.

As he tried to leap out into my arms in that sleepy state, I tried to grab him but flinched when I remembered that he had stitches. At that instant, I felt a pain myself - in the same "geographical" location. I think it is called "sympathy pain". I tried very hard to steady him. I think the vet saw the worry (and pain) in my face and comforted me with "dogs are more resilient to pain than we give them credit for".

This was so true. Although Eddie had strict instructions (through us) not to run around, indulge in rough play or jump around, he started hopping onto our relatively high sofa and taking leaps onto the raised up area that is our dining room a couple of hours after he got home. Although a slight limp was noticible, it was obvious the pain didn't bother Eddie too much. But not me. Everytime he hopped onto the sofa, I'd wince just thinking of the pain.

Eddie is still within his recovery period but I am glad to say that he's doing well and running around happily as though a weight has been lifted. Ok, bad joke. But I am glad to see that he appears to be calmer and well-behaved.

More about neutering and spaying can be found here.

Birthday Blog

"Things That Fill My Head" is one year old today!

I never imagined that I would ever take blogging seriously as I figured it was more for the "new generation" out there and not for an old fogey like myself. To be honest, among the bloggers that I know, I'd have to be the oldest with an age deficit of at least 10 years! So, having a blog was never on my mind.

In January 2006, my father passed away. I struggled to come to terms with his demise. Till today, I am still struggling. Words spoken by my father and images of him haunted my mind every day. I knew I'd never get over my father's death no matter how long I live but I needed a way to manage my thoughts, feelings and memories before it got the better of me.

I remembered my father used to spend weekends penning his thoughts and feelings in a notebook (the paper kind). He even had one titled "My Worries". I figured that by offloading his worries into the notebook, it lightened the load on his mind. My father was a man who managed his thoughts and feelings very well and this was probably one of his "tricks".

Ok, I'll put my thoughts into words. But where? Then, the idea of a blog came up. So, I reviewed a few blog hosting services out there and within an hour, decided on Blogger. All I wanted to do was to find a simple way to put my thoughts into words. After all, I was certain no one would come across, let alone read, my blog - especially in a community as huge as Blogger. I picked a user name, after multiple tries (pratically all variations of "Prem" I could think off were taken!), and started on my first entry - one dedicated to my beloved father. It felt like the most appropriate thing to write about.

With my eyes glazing over, I sat at my desk and wrote about the man I loved and respected the most in my life. As the words flowed, so did the tears. Images and stories long forgotten came flooding back. A few lines quickly became a few paragraphs and before I knew it, my first entry was done. Honestly, I felt good talking about my father openly - even though no one was listening - or so I thought.

The next day, I checked my blog and found "1 Comment". Was someone reading? I quickly clicked on it and found a spammer (the comment is still there - just for laughs)! Oh well, better 1 meaningless "comment" than nothing at all. Next, I went on to write about my two doggies. I was not expecting anymore visitors, spammers or otherwise, but I checked back to find "royalty" had graced my blog with her visit. Princess, who used to go by the name Sparkling Princess, came by and posted a lovely comment about my dogs as well as to offer her condolences for my loss. I thought it was very sweet and thanks to her, I found my way to other honest and beautifully written blogs. Since then, unseen bloggers have become invaluable friends as we share our lives with each other. Even my wife talks about you guys as if we've been good friends for ages.

So, on this 1st birthday of "Things That Fill My Head", I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to Princess, Zizo, Dandoon, Vanessa, Ghasheema and last but not least Eshda3wa for making me feel very welcome in the blogging world and allowing me to share my life with you as you have shared yours with me. I am also very appreciative of my lovely wife who is very supportive of her husband's blog and my little boy for giving me something to write about.

Its been a fantastic year blogging! I look forward to more of them.

Cheers!!

Everybody Loves Eddie

My son started to speak his first words over the last few days. When he was first born, I figured it would be something dramatic like suddenly calling out "Dada" or "Mama". Our "Super Nanny" has also been trying hard to get him to say "Auntie" and because of that, I hear it repeated so many times in a day that everytime the word "Auntie" comes up, I feel my stomach flip. But in spite of the repeated "Auntie.... Auntie... Auntie.... Auntie..." and my wife's attempts at getting our little fella to recognise his "Dada", the first words out of his mouth were.... *drum roll, please* ... "Eddie"!

We're beaming with "pride". *sigh*

I guess it was our incessant yelling at our dog that result in this blunder. So, everything is "Eddie" now. His caterpillar soft toy is "Eddie". Even the decorative statue of Buddha that graces our home is "Eddie". Of course, the little lad has his own way of saying it... "Edjeee".

Speaking of Edjeee, my dear pal has lived with us exactly 5 years today. I remember that day fondly. Since then, we've gone through a great deal together. I watched the puny little puppy grow up into a handsome dog with Einstien's brilliance, Ronaldo's ball skills and an attitude only suitable for a Rottweiler. He stuck by me through some really tough times - chronic illness and even my father's passing. He also shared in the happy times too - like when my son was born. He'd appear to stand guard while my wife fed our newborn and would come running to us in a panic when he started to cry in his crib. Eddie's like the perfect best friend you could ever imagine.

Eddie is loved by everyone - both family and friends. I get emails from colleagues at work asking "How's Eddie?" and calls to our home are of the same nature. My Uncle will ask me to send his regards to Eddie (and Casey, of course) whenever he calls. It is only after enquiring about our doggies that I get "How are you doing?"

As for my son's first word, I am going to pass "Edjeee" off as him trying to say "Dajeee" (aka "Daddy"). That'll work, right?? *wink*

Here's a picture of Eddie on the first day he arrived at our home 5 years ago.

Happy 5th Anniversary, my buddy!! We love you!

Pooches And Pennies

I've always said dogs are as smart, if not smarter, than humans. I've come to realise this especially from my two doggies, Eddie and Casey.

Eddie loves his orange squeak ball with which he eats, sleeps and even doo-doos. And when he knows my wife and I are free (he never bothers us when we're busy), he'll leave the ball by our side and wait patiently at a distance for us to throw it. The thing is, he catches it with extreme accuracy no matter how fast or slow the ball is thrown. He picked up this feat all by himself and it makes us so proud when visitors come by.

Eddie won't leave the ball unattended even for a minute. Obsessive? I'd have to say yes. The strange thing is, Casey figured this out too! And whenever she gets an opportunity, she'll take the ball away from him and that will put Eddie into a huge frenzy. He chases her around the house trying to get it back and she taunts and avoids him so perfectly like she has a strategy in her head. We watch in awe - and laughter.

Here's more proof that dogs are as smart as human beings. A charity organisation called Canine Partners is training Labradors (or Golden Retrievers?) to help their disabled owners to withdraw cash from ATM machines! Amazing but true!

I wonder if I could teach Eddie to do the same thing. Sadly, I know for a fact that Eddie is too short to reach any ATM machine but most importantly, my "dog-genius" might just take my money and go buy a new squeaky ball or two.

Walk The Dog

Another day, another innovation.

Our friends who live in the land of the rising sun have come up with what I think Eddie and Casey would really love to have. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing the doggie treadmill.

I have no idea how much it costs or where I can get it from because their website is in Japanese.

Its a pity. I could use some time on it as well.

Sayonara!!

Who's The Boss

"Alright kiddo, here's the deal.

I've been here a lot longer so let's get a few things straight and we'll get along just fine.

(1) All toys that are round and / or squeak are mine. You can keep the battery operated stuff. Batteries taste terrible. *bleah*

(2) Don't bother fighting me for scraps that fall from the dinner table. I can catch them on the way down in mid-air. Let's see you pull that off.

(3) Casey will lick you shamelessly. I have pride. We'll shake hands only.

(4) I get first dibs on the food and water dish always. No exceptions. When I am done, feel free to beat Casey to it.

(5) I like sitting close to your Daddy with or without you sitting on his lap. Hence, my being there is not an invitation for you to use me as a soft comfy leg rest.

Now that we've got that out of the way, hand me that ball pal!"

- Eddie

Couch Camping

Last night, I slept on the sofa.

No, the Mrs didn't get tired of my constant grumbling and toss me out. I was feeling a little under the weather. Kinda felt like a bad flu coming on so I decided to vacate our room where our son also sleeps so that they might not come get what I have.

The last time I slept on the sofa was a few months ago - at our old home - and for the same reason. The sofa was a nightmare to sleep on. It was half my height so my legs would be hanging off the arm rest. I'd wake up feeling even more ill than I was the night before. Understandably, I was a little worried about sleeping on the new one.

The new sofa gets 5 stars out of a possible 3. No, that's not a typo. It provided excellent support and even gave me enough room to sleep comfortably on my tummy. It was long enough for me to lie on without any of my limbs hanging out.

But the highlight of camping in our living room were Eddie and Casey. For some odd reason, they gave up the comforts of their doggie beds and decided that they wanted to hang out with me. They shared the ottoman that was right beside my sofa.

Here's a picture of the two fellas curled up taken from where I was lying. Pardon the picture quality as it was taken in the dark with my phone's camera.

Cute, aren't they?

Eddie and Me

In my quest to be "intellectual", or at least appear to be, I have gone back to something I loved doing when I was a young lad - reading.

I was mostly hooked on local writers as they wrote about people and things close to home. I think I must have read at least 80% of the works of local writers back in my teens and early twenties. Some of my favourite writers back then were Sumiko Tan, Philip Jeyaretnam, Adrian Tan, Sylvia Toh and Mr Spooky himself - Russell Lee. After reading almost every ghost story book ever written by Russell, I got a chance to see him in person a few months back at a book signing in a local mall - with his trademark black hat, black suit and black face-mask to hide his true identity. No one knows who he is or what he looks like. And "Russell" is not his real name either. He is, after all, a ghostwriter. *wink*

Anyway, I didn't want to be overwhelmed by the likes of Stephen King or Tom Clancy so I started off with a charming little book called Marley & Me - Life And Love With The World's Worst Dog by John Grogan. It is a story about the life of Mr Grogan and his new bride Jenny. In their journey to becoming parents, they started off by 'training' themselves with what seemed to be a sweet loving little Labrador puppy named after their favourite performer, Bob Marley. Marley grows up to be a riot (not in a good way) but still retaining his unconditional love and affection for his master and mistress. In one chapter, Jenny, suffering from post-natal blues, is seen pounding on Marley when the latter ruined their house. Instead of reacting, the dog just lay there and took the painful beating. It brought tears to my eyes.

Such are dogs. They have a way of understanding their owners and taking the abuse because of love, respect and loyalty.

The story, for the most part, is a reflection of our life with our Jack Russell, Eddie. As a result of a very low period in my life, my wife and my Dad decided to cheer me up with a puppy. Eddie became the baby in the house and my Dad would sometimes tease "Let Eddie be practice for the both of you". And practice he was. On his first day at our home, he kept us up all night because he had kennel cough. I remember I was worried sick about him when we left him at home to go to work the next day. He looked so tiny and frail. I prayed in between work that he would be ok when we returned in the evening to bring him to the vet.

Although a real rascal (he sunk his teeth through our cupboards, pee'd on our bed and clawed his way through our doors), he was forever loving and faithful to us. He saw me through the best and the worst days of my life and even if I scolded him purely out of personal frustration, he'd still come back and ask for "forgiveness", as if he was in the wrong. I love the times when he'd snuggle up by my side with his head on my lap while I watch TV. These days, Casey (our other Jack Russell), fights him for this position. Being the gentleman that Eddie is, he always gives in.

I've yet to finish the book and I should be done sometime this week. But I fear the ending would be a sad one. I won't spoil the ending, for those of you who might think of picking this one up, by posting it here. But if you are a dog lover and enjoy a bitter-sweet story, this is a must-read.

My next conquest will be iWoz : From Computer Geek To Cult Icon.

I know. Stop smirking. I can't help it. *smile*

A Dog's Life?

I found this picture on my mobile phone taken about a week before our son was born. I was busy working up a sweat cleaning and mopping in preparation for the arrival of our bundle of joy and when I felt I needed a break by crashing on the sofa, I found it was occupied by none other than the Jack Russell Duo - who were sound alseep.

Can someone remind me... was the phrase "A dog's life" supposed to be a bad thing??

Happy Birthday, Casey!

Today, Casey celebrates her 2nd birthday. That makes her 14 years old in dog years.

For her birthday, my wife prepared a special treat for her. Of course, Eddie benefits from such celebrations as well. My wife said they did not take their heads out of their bowls still everything was cleared up

Happy birthday, Casey!!

With A Little Help From My Friends

Late last night, I was not able to sleep. So, I decided to spend it trying to unpack my CDs, sound systems and books into the study. Little did I know that my two pals, Eddie and Casey, decided to join me and keep me company while I was hard at work. Here's a picture of them.


They're the best!!

Oh no, I'm Snoopy!!

Found this quiz on BlogThings and decided to take it. Turns out I am a Beagle Puppy! My two Jack Russell Terriers will be none too pleased.

I am a Beagle Puppy!!

Cheerful, energetic, and happy go lucky. And you're sense of smell is absolutely amazing!

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

Give the quiz a go and let me know how it turns out for you. Have fun, ya??

Home, Bitter-Sweet Home

We sold our home today. A place I called home for 14 years and my wife for 5 years. While the sale of our home will bring us much more financial breathing space, I can’t help feeling a little sad.

Was this place filled with good memories? Not really. To be honest, I loathed the idea of moving to this place when we bought it in 1992 and over the years, I think I blamed it for many of my difficult situations. Was it fair? I guess you’ll have to be the judge.

It was a really tough time for me then. I had just left the army and was struggling with my tertiary education, nursing the wounds of a broken relationship and the fact that I had to give up my two Alsatians when we left our semi-detached home in the East. Why did we leave? Financial troubles, mostly. I guess my parents didn’t have much of a choice.

So, we moved from a huge house to a small apartment. It took me a long time to get used to the place. I couldn’t feel "at home" there so I slept mainly on the couch. As I started getting used to the place as well as the idea of living in a more confined area than I was used to, my mother passed away. This was where I came face to face with having to deal with a death. It shook me severely.

A couple of years after my mother’s passing, I bought a 7-year-old sports car, a car that I had been dying to own since it made its debut in the showrooms when I was still performing my service to our Nation. It was my pride and joy. I washed it almost everyday and waxed it every weekend. I spent so much time with it my father once suggested I should just sleep in it – hopefully in jest. Sadly, I had to let it go after only 7 months because I was blissfully unaware of the financial troubles my father was experiencing and by the time I came to know, the situation was quite dire. Till this day, I still feel the pain of losing that 2-door black beauty.

Life went on after. On top of fate tossing me a few more broken relationships, my dad had a heart attack and was admitted to hospital for a major heart bypass surgery. I juggled work and looking after him during his 6 months recovery period. My father and I had our ups and downs there but whenever there were downs, we looked out for each other and managed to overcome, albeit barely.

And not long after the millennium rolled by, my grandmother passed away. Her wake was held at a relative’s apartment, two floors above ours. I still vividly remember having to carry her casket 4 storeys down, past my apartment, to the hearse before it made its way to the crematorium. I bade my beloved grandmother a very tearful farewell.

A few years later when things were looking up for us, my father was slapped with a highly unjust lawsuit by an unscrupulous internet-based company. My father was shaken but in comparison to what it did to me, he was a rock. This was mainly because of something I had pushed him into and the result of an honest mistake made by a close friend.

And for those who have read my very first blog entry, you will know that my father became critically ill and passed away while we were living here. After his passing, I found a video tape I made of my father’s birthday in 2005. He was sitting in a wheelchair, struggling to cut his birthday cake with what little strength he had left as a result of a brutal stroke. Again, I blamed our house.

But as I received word that the sale was complete today, I started looking around and strangely enough, the bad memories started fading into the background and I started remembering different things about my 14 years in this house. Being a music enthusiast, I had my first home studio here, something I was not able to do while living in my old home – a much bigger place. Although I had to sacrifice a beautiful 7-year-old sports car, I now own a brand new black sports sedan tricked out with the coolest gadgets.

But the most important memories are the ones I feel in my heart, not see in my driveway. I remember when finances were tight, my father and I used to have a simple Saturday night dinner where he would fry some ham and eggs and we would have it with rice. It was a simple meal but I enjoyed it, not because I enjoy clogging my body with cholesterol but because my father would tell me stories about his youth or we would have spirited debates about politics and current affairs over our humble meal. We talked and laughed till the wee hours of Sunday morning and when my father got tired and turned in, I sat quietly in the darkened living room thinking of the fantastic conversation we had with a smile on my face.

This is also the place where I made a wonderful woman I got to know my wife. We had a simple ceremony there by turning our living room into a hall that could accommodate 30 of our closest family and friends. In the presence of a Justice of Peace, we took our vows to have and to hold and we were pronounced man and wife. I remember that day fondly.

This is the house where a tiny, odd-looking Jack Russell Terrier came to live not too long after I got married. Being the rascal that he is, he was named Eddie after the loveable JRT in the comedy Frasier. The odd-looking fellow eventually grew up to be a handsome chap with the un-JRT-like popped up ears. Then came Casey, the all-white cutie. Today, they make it painfully clear that my wife and I are sharing their home, insisting on a place at the dinner table, a corner on the sofa and a place on the bed.

But most importantly, a very recent development that I was blessed to be able to share with my father a month before he died. I know it made him very happy. I will reserve that for a future entry.

I realised a few things today. Firstly, it is hard to see the blessings in life when you are plagued with so many difficulties. But if you manage to look past these struggles and see the small gifts that you have been bestowed with along the way, you will know that it is the difficult times that makes the good times sweeter. This is very cliché but I truly feel it, especially today. Secondly, it is the bad things in life that paved the way to the light at the end of the tunnel. And last but not least, I also realised that it is a combination of the good and the bad things we experience as a family that makes a house a home.

So, as I pack up the CDs, sound systems, computers, crystal ware, books, appliances and other items that I will need to be moving to our new house, I am also packing the bad times I’ve faced into mental boxes in my head for storage while I fill a golden chest with the wonderful memories I’ve experienced in the last 14 years in my heart. I will work hard to keep this chest unlocked so that I'll have easy access to these memories to remind me that life’s not all bad. And as the lorries roll out of here in a few months to bring our stuff to the new house, I hope that my wife, our two Jack Russells and I will experience more of the blessings in life and find the strength and courage to overcome the tough times that may swing by as we embark on making the new place our home.

Best Friends

Good friends are hard to come by. Great friends who will stand by your side through thick and thin? Even harder. I am fortunate to be blessed with many great friends thus far and am very grateful for having them in my life. But there are two of them I rarely acknowledge and despite my neglecting them for so long due to my father's illness and his eventual passing, they are still always excited to see me when I walk through the door. Their care and concern for me is unconditional and just having me around fills their hearts with untold joy. They never hold a grudge against me for our disagreements and my constant scoldings. Even if they were scolded for something that wasn't their fault, they would still ask for forgiveness just because they can't stand the thought of me being angry with them. Allow me to introduce you to two of my closest buddies, Eddie and Casey.

Eddie and Casey are my two Jack Rascal.... er.... Russell Terriers. Eddie, named after the adorable Jack Russell that both my wife and I love on 'Frasier', is the handsome brown-faced fellow with the popped-up ears and Casey is the feminine all-white sweetheart. Eddie (he's Aussie) came into our lives and made our hearts his home in 2002. Eddie was a surprise put together by my dad and my wife for me. I was going through a really rough time then and they thought a dog would cheer me up. Eddie did more than just cheer me up. He became a good friend. When I talk to him, he tries his best to listen to what I am saying and when he doesn't understand, he will cock his head as if to say "Please say that again? I am trying to understand you." All he needs for his friendship and undying faithfullness are pats (which he will insist on if he feels that his quota for the day was not fulfilled) and for me to toss his favourite orange rubber ball to him.

One day early into 2005, my wife and I decided to stroll into a pet shop at United Square to look at the cute puppies in the window... something we always did whenever we spotted a pet shop. That day was no exception. However, twenty five minutes after walking in, we left with a 3 1/2 month old all-white (quite rare) Jack Russell! We named her Casey. While Casey (made in Singapore) may appear to be sweet, mild and so loving, she can be quite cunning too. In the presence of company at our home, she behaves like a little shy child, always hiding and peering from behind my wife. But when she's alone with Eddie, she makes Eddie her personal challenge by thinking of new and creative ways to taunt him. Eddie, being the gentleman that he is, obliges the lady and allows her to chew on his ears and bite his back leg while he runs. I think she does that to slow him down!

Casey is all fun and play. She walks around without a care in the world with her tail is constantly wagging. Just call her name and that tail of her's speeds up dramatically. If you do not give her any attention or shower too much of it on Eddie, she'll "potong jalan" (cut queue in Malay) and insists that she be in the spotlight. Eddie is quite the opposite. While he does enjoy play time and attention, he is very respectful towards us and allows Casey to walk all over him... literally too! But he can become quite "serious" especially if someone is feeling down or not well at home. One night about two months after Eddie came to live with us, I was having severe abdominal pain. Not wanting to wake my wife up with my tossing and turning, I decided to struggle to the living room to lie on the sofa. Little did I realise the small puppy had woken from his deep slumber (he snores) and followed me to the living room as well. After lying down, I noticed the little fellow sitting beside the sofa with a very worried look on his face. You could tell from the frown on his face and his eyes seemed to be glazing over. I patted him and closed my eyes. He then started whining. I opened my eyes and looked at him again. This time, he stretched his little paws up to me as if asking to be lifted up. I carried him and placed him beside me but for some odd reason, he decided to climb onto my tummy, curled up there and slept. Strangely, the warmth from his body relieved the discomfort. It was then that I knew that he could sense pain in others.

Dogs are such wonderful creatures. I always tell my wife that dogs are smarter than people. Why? Haven't you noticed that no one in the world understands anything a dog is trying to tell us but dogs, with a little training, can "sit", "stay", "roll-over" and "paw" on command? Smarter or not, they've taught me a great deal about forgiveness, compassion, care and most of all, loyalty. But from a dog's point of view, you're already perfect as you are and they never fail to show that they feel this way about you. One of my great friends gave me a ceramic tile with an inscription that said "My goal in life... is to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am". I will definitely try.