Wear And Tear

Warning : Depressing entry alert! Read at your own risk.

I'm tired. Not just physically but mentally too. "Your son keeping you awake?", is the constant response to the look of wear on my face. Hardly, considering he is one of only two people who can make me smile these days. My dear wife is the other.

In December, my wife was stiffed of almost $300 in terms of ourstanding utility bills by a previous tenant who stayed at our apartment before we moved in there ourselves. My wife, who trusted this lady throughout the tenancy, was shocked that not only did she not want to pay what was owed, she threatened legal action against my wife claiming the cost of furniture she had abandoned at our apartment after the tenancy expired. Always believing in the kindness and decency of human beings, my wife was in tears as a result of the tenant's harsh reaction. This angered me and I embarked on giving this woman a taste of her own medicine. After nights of reading, analysing contracts, going through files and collating evidence, I embarked on my threat of legal action against her, with the amassed documents as evidence, in the event she does not pay what was owed to my wife immediately. A vicious tigress was reduced to a clawless pussycat and a cheque together with a letter of apology was couriered to our apartment a few days later. Although I cherished the success, the entire episode took quite a chunk out of my energy reserve.

A couple of months ago, I fought very hard for a relative of mine to get his employment permit renewed after it was rejected based on stipulated regulations. It took me a few days and nights to study policies, lock horns with Government authorities and cough up supporting facts to prop up a very weak application. Subsequently, it was approved on principle. In the end, while my relative walked away happily with his employment permit intact, I doubt he'll ever know, understand or appreciate how much of a toll it took on me. I promise to share why in a later post.

Just a couple of days ago, I received a response from another Government authority that Casey's change of address application was rejected on grounds that our apartment was allowed only one dog. This, after being upfront with them about our two dogs before we moved in. Again, I spent days and nights fighting with the housing as well as animal licensing authorities. The issue is still pending.

Work is no picnic either. I am constantly having to deal with my surbordinates' poor work attitude as well as their attitude towards their supervisor - me. Although it is part of my "job description", being disliked by others is not a nice feeling.

It seems like I am at constant loggerheads with someone about something all the time. And while I have been successful in getting "my way" some of the time, it worries me that when it is time to fight about the matters that mean the most to me, I will be out of steam.

Casey's situation is one that concerns me a great deal. But having been through so many "battles", I am drained. I wish I had the same energy and spunk to fight for my dog but reading back the numerous emails I've written to the authorities over the last two days, it just comes off sounding extremely lame. I even found one with the wrong date and broken sentences!

Even though I have yet to receive a response from the authorities, I fear a negative reply in the horizon. There is no way I will allow the authorities to force me to give up my dog but I am worried that I am not up for a good fight. Casey fate - remaining a member of our family - is in my very weak hands.

I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting these battles over and over again. I'm tired of my mind constantly replaying different situations and how I should respond to them. I'm tired of checking my emails every hour filled with anxiety over what I might find. I'm tired of dealing with problematic co-workers and their attitude. I'm tired of people, relatives or otherwise, taking advantage of my family and me. Most importantly, I'm tired of feeling this way.

I just wish the world would stop turning for ten minutes so that my mind can rest and I can catch my breath again.